This topic contains 17 replies, has 11 voices, and was last updated by 
Bob12 1 year, 1 month ago.
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Hi my husband has a terrible gambling problem. He has a good job which is great but in the last year or so we haven’t seen the fruits of his labour at all. He lies compulsively, the most ridiculous lies to try to hide the fact that he has just blown a load of cash that afternoon. He is massively into horse and dog racing, he was when I met him and it was hi favourite thing to do but because it didnt really affect him financially and never got in the way of our relationship it didn’t bother me at first. But it has gotten so out of control, he is spending almost everything he has now. I love him very much because he is a good person and was always good to me and our kids but it has gotten to the point now where I have two jobs to cover our essentials, I dont get to spend the time with my kids that I should and he isn’t there much either. I dont want my kids to suffer they are my number one priority so I am seriously considering divorce. It really has become hell. It i so frustrating I cant even explain. I want to grab him and shake him and say God damn it no you wont win back what you’ve lost give up while your are behind, it rarely ever wins for you why in the hell would you think it will today or tomorrow or next week. I know it’s an addiction I get that,he cant help it now but I can help myself and my kids.
I just found out about my brothers gambling addiction last year when his wife rang me one day to say she needed to speak to me about “something important”. She met me in a café and told me he had blown every penny of their savings and lost their car, she said things had gotten so bad she was getting out before they lost everything and she couldn’t watch him destroy everything they had built together. I literally nearly collapsed. Outwardly he was as cool as a breeze, I and no one else in our family had any idea and we couldn’t believe the extent of the problem as things started to emerge. I never imagined gambling addiction could be so intense and destructive. My family staged a big intervention one night after he got home from a bar, he flipped, said what you would expect someone to say when cornered, “mind you own business” “its not as bad as you are saying” “she left because of her own issues” etc. My mother was at her wits end, she insisted he go to one GA meeting and she would wait outside for him , she said if you go in and can honestly say when you come out you didn’t identify with one person in there then we will drop the issue. So he did and of course he couldn’t look my mother in the eye and lie. It didn’t end there though, fact is to this day he still struggles week to week. I feel sick when I see him, moving (because he’s missed rent and been evicted AGAIN) or bruised (because he’s missed a payment AGAIN) or walking down the street during workin hours (because hes lost his job AGAIN) It’s tough to watch someone you love suffer and self destruct but he has seen now what GA could do for him he just needs to want it enough and I have faith he will see the light some day!
I always wondered about gambling addiction. I don’t mean to sound ignorant but we have all seen a drunk person and most whether we knew it or not have encountered someone on drugs so based on seeing them under the influence you can imagine somewhat how it affects their lives. With gambling though the person looks just like you or me and Im shocked how bad things can get for them. But after reading your stories I do understand why it is so. I hope all have have sought help can stay in remission and all that need it can get it.
I am a gambler. I am seriously starting to lose control of my finances and I don’t really have a social life. The men above have loved ones to help them but I don’t really have anyone, not anyone I am close to. I have never been able to stick at anything. Accept gambling. I feel like crap one day I know if I win I will feel awesome, I don’t win, I feel like more crap but I keep going back. Writing it I feel insane I mean it doesn’t make sense to know that yet still keep doing it but I know I could win back some of what Ive lost with one great win and knowing that makes me not think I can stop. GA is what everyone recommends is there nothing else I don’t feel talking to a room full of strangers.
I hear you buddy we all are drawn to it for the same reasons but you can see the devastation it causes. You cant sit back thinking Im alone and noone to help me. You have to help yourself before you destroy yourself. I lost literally everything, family, car, house, money, respect I hadn’t even a place to live and if I had a place I had nothing to pay for it. I had to beg for the use of acquaintances sofas is was so humiliating. GA helped me but if you think not for you there are lots of other option like, cognitive behavioural therapy, counselling, rehab and many more. If you really want help you will find it.
My wife has a serious gambling addiction, she has crippled us financially several times over the years. She lies compulsively constantly to get money or to get away to gamble. She has really “a drug of choice” anything will do, casino, racing, online, anything you place a bet and win on she will do it and has been this was for over 15 years. I work it seems to pay for addiction because she is constantly stealing from me and anything I have left goes to cover the bills and household expenses and our daughters education. My advice is to get yourself help now before you arent just hurting yourself but hurting others aswel. I love my wife and I believe in marriage so I am still here, but you can end what’s happening before you get someone else stuck in this situation.
At GA you will be welcomed with open arms and you don’t have to speak until you are ready. I have been going for 3 years now and I believe I am in remission and it’s permanent. I still have urges every now and then but as each day passes they really are getting weaker and weaker and I know when I feel them and I feel guilty I have a safe non judgemental place I can go to talk about it and to get advice on how to deal with it from people who know what they are talking about because they are going through or have went through it too. You can do it too.
My Dad’s addiction was so bad he broke into me and my little sister’s money jars when we were little, he would have gotten maybe 20 dollars total but he was just that desperate. In his mind I guess he would turn that into millions. I was taken into care when I was 8, my Mom was an alcaholic and my Dad had his gambling problem so we never had nothing, we lived rough and everything it was pretty bad. I have seen both my parents a few times over the years but I have been in the same foster care home now for 5 years and Im really happy. I hope someone will read this and see what can happen to your life and your family if you don’t see what you’re doing is wrong and get help.
You are a pretty cool kid. I can imagine what your life was life back then and sleeping rough? Damn that must have been really tough. Not everyone would embrace being in foster care but you are happy for what you have and are thinking of others, trying to help by sharing you story and thats pretty amazing!
Thank you, I have to be grateful for what I have now because I had nothing once. I dont blame my parents they had problems, my foster Mum is really good at explaining about their problems and Ive done lots of my own research. There are lots of forums like this. I know things were bad, but sometimes I read stories from other people who are still suffering and from their family members and I like to say how things can turn OK for you too. I mean I know it has been hard being taken away from them but it was for the best and my life would have been so much worse if I had stayed there. My foster mom says you have to take the good with the bad all the time, and I took the bad when I was little now Im here I am getting some of the good, thats how I like to look at things.
You are a very brave girl and I think I would have to agree with you it is better for me and my kids to be out of here now. Maybe one day when he gets help we can all be together again but the struggle is just not worth it now and its been very tough to come to that conclusion. The more I think about it the more I know I am doing the right thing especially for my kids.
I think you should follow your heart, its clear that you love your husband but sometimes you have to take a back seat on their lives and try to keep yours as best as you can. My sister in law left my brother and because he is still gambling they havent even tried to reconcile and he is pretty bitter about it. Its like he blames any kind of escalation in his behaviour on the fact that he has lost her now and I mean he knows that he is just blaming his won mistakes on her deep down and you can tell that even as hes saying it. Do what you think is right, you have to be a Mom first and a wife second now!
I still find it amazing candyeile that you can be so accepting. If you are still in foster care I take it you are still a minor and to have that level of understanding and acceptance as a teen is incredible. Im sure your foster parents and also your biological parents are very proud of you. I hope your parents find peace and manage to get their lives back.
You need to be careful when gambling. There are lot’s of free info and resources online for help. I’m even sure some services advertised on the tele were offering free advice when you call up. It can be a hard thing to get out of and you really need to monitor your betting activities closely.
A friend of mine had a pretty serious gambling addiction… Every night he’d stick £200 on at the bookies and bet on horses and football. Sometimes he done well as he was doing bets that had small odds. He lost over £13,000 doing it in a year. He’s recovered now however, but he can’t even look at a casino now.
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